When the winds of life blow you off course, sometimes it helps to go with the flow.

Jessie Gruman experienced the rigors of cancer treatment not once, but on three separate occasions: At age 20 she was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease; at age 30, cervical cancer; and at 50, colon cancer.

Each time the diagnosis was entirely unexpected and disruptive, landing her in the hospital. She faced surgery and drug therapy with deep uncertainty over her future. Yet each time, Gruman says, she managed to return months or years later to a semblance of normalcy.

According to Gruman, author of AfterShock: What to Do When the Doctor Gives You—or Someone You Love—a Devastating Diagnosis, a cancer diagnosis can upset some of your best-laid plans for today, tomorrow, or months to come. The treatment in itself may take a physical and emotional toll. Yet you can help make this challenge less stressful while helping yourself to heal as quickly as possible.

It all begins with adjusting your expectations.

“Many of us who undergo treatment for cancer respond by trying to deny its impact and power over us. We may try to prevail over it and keep doing the same things we were doing before,” she explains. “But this isn’t fair to us or to the others we commit to. We need to be patient, gentle to ourselves, and allow ourselves to rest when we can. This isn’t a sign of failure.”

Going with the Flow
Gruman’s advice to others undergoing cancer treatment is to:

• Accept some sadness—just some.

  “It’s normal to feel sad or depressed because this is an upsetting, sad, disruptive event,” Gruman notes. “These are legitimate feelings to talk through and feel. But if you find they’re going on for too long—if you can’t get out of bed and you can’t get beyond it—you need to seek help.”

  Certain drug treatments also may trigger depression, she adds, and depression is often highly treatable with talk therapy or medication. You might ask your doctor to refer you to a mental health professional, preferably one with experience treating chemotherapy patients.

• Realize tomorrow is another day.

  “A woman who had just received a series of serious diagnoses once told me, ‘I just have to keep putting one foot ahead of another because I know I’ll feel differently about this if I just hang on. No matter how much despair I feel now, I know that as I learn more I’ll have more confidence about what to do.’ This is an important lesson to learn,” Gruman says.

• Give yourself a break. Radiation and chemotherapy have beneficial effects—that’s why so many cancer patients rely on them—yet even as they’re toxic to cancer cells, they also can damage healthy cells. Some days you may feel just fine, others you may feel overwhelmed with fatigue. So go with the flow—pay attention to the signs and treat yourself with TLC as needed.

  Ask your oncology nurse for advice; he or she will be familiar with the symptoms you might expect and how to ease your discomfort

• Warn others you might not be able to live up to all your obligations. Let friends and family know you’re not going to be operating at full throttle and might need some help.
• Set modest lifestyle goals.

  “When you’re in the midst of treatment, it’s not the time to start something new,” Gruman points out. “If you want to start on a new diet, wait until the chemotherapy is over.”

  Some cancer treatments cause loss of appetite or nausea, she explains. Your aim, therefore, should be to get enough fluids, calories, and balanced nutrition from the foods you enjoy.

  It’s similar with exercise. Modest physical activity can do wonders in helping you feel stronger and better.

  “But if it’s not in your cards for today, it will wait,” she says. “Some people in chemotherapy may spend 45 minutes just summoning the energy to get to the bathroom.”

• Consider complementary therapies. Many cancer patients find alternatives such as guided imagery, hypnosis, massage therapy, or acupuncture can ease the stress and anxiety related to cancer treatment, thus helping them cope and sleep better. Ask your doctor how such therapies might be coordinated with your treatment.

Support at Work and Home
It’s easy to feel alone with this disease. That’s one reason many people prefer to return to work soon after their treatments, allowing them to be around people and make valuable contributions in a normal, familiar setting.

In the meantime, “don’t hesitate to ask for things you need from the people who love you and are around you,” Gruman stresses. Seek help from friends and relatives, from your faith community, or from your workplace community.

“Most people have these kinds of support, but they often don’t realize they do, or they are reluctant to ask,” she adds. “People will be very happy to help if you ask.

Polly Turner spoke with Jessie Gruman, Ph.D., president of the Washington, DC-based Center for the Advancement of Health and author of AfterShock: What to Do When the Doctor Gives You—or Someone You Love—a Devastating Diagnosis, Walker & Co., 2007, $16.95.

If You Can Use Some Help
When you’re facing cancer treatment, you may find you already have great support systems in your home, your workplace, or with trusted friends or clergy. But if the people around you seem uncomfortable acknowledging the realities you face, or you could simply use some more support, try tapping into one or more of the following resources:

• The Wellness Community. Visit www.thewellnesscommunity.org or call 888-793-9355 to learn if there’s a center near you. The Web site also offers a Virtual Wellness Community, including educational materials, online relaxation and guided imagery exercises, and free online support groups. These support groups are led by professionals in real time and are open to anyone with any type of cancer, as well as their loved ones.
• CancerCare. Call 800-813-4673 for telephone-based support.
• ACOR, the Association of Cancer Online Resources. Visit www.acor.org to access ACOR ’s integrated system of online discussion groups offering support, information, and community to people with specific cancers or cancer-related issues.
• APOS, the American Psychosocial Oncology Society. This organization provides telephone referrals to mental health professionals trained to counsel individuals with cancer. Call 866-276-7443.

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