Domestic abuse, road rage, and workplace violence are some of the results of failure to manage anger.

Your car won’t start, your teenager talks back, someone steals your ideas at work, your spouse overdraws the checking account—these are the normal hassles of living.

On a scale of one to 10, with one being calm and 10 being blind rage, most people react to such frustrations with a two or three. “If you’re ramping up to a six or seven, it’s likely your anger is not under control and is causing you negative consequences,” says Jerry Deffenbacher, Ph.D., a Colorado State University psychology professor who specializes in anger management.

Anger is normal and healthy in some cases. But uncontrolled anger, such as aggressive outbursts or personal attacks, can lead to problems at work, broken relationships, and medical conditions—including high blood pressure and heart attacks.

“The bottom line is, there are very few long-term positives to angry responses,” Deffenbacher says. Yelling at your boss, for instance, may make you feel better in the short term, but in the long run your relationship will suffer. That could slow your advancement or even get you fired.

According to psychologists, some people may be born with a low tolerance for frustration that makes them irritable from birth. Research also indicates family and cultural backgrounds can play a role in how you express anger and whether your anger is easily triggered or slow to rise.

Steps to Take
These strategies can help you manage anger:

• Keep an anger journal. After an outburst, note where you were on a scale of one to 10. What did you say or do that escalated the encounter? How could you have responded instead?

  “When a problem comes along, we react without being conscious of what we are doing,” Deffenbacher says. “But by paying attention to your anger and your expression of it, you can become aware that you can do something different. You don’t have to yell to express dissatisfaction, for example.”

• Learn to relax. “As simple as it sounds, learning how to relax by practicing a technique such as visualization, deep breathing, or the progressive relaxation response can help you go to that place fairly easily and quickly when you feel your anger getting out of control,” Deffenbacher says.
• Change the way you think. “When you’re really angry, it’s easy to take a bad situation and make it worse by talking yourself into a fury,” he says. Once you realize this, you can try a different response: “I’m really annoyed with my wife, but I’m going to back off and give her the benefit of the doubt,” for instance.

  “Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything and will probably make the situation worse,” Deffenbacher says.

• Take a time-out. If you respond to someone when you’re angry, you’re more likely to say things you’ll regret. Remove yourself from the situation until you calm down and gain control. That can help you offer a more measured response.

Don’t Go It Alone
If you can’t manage anger on your own, contact a mental health professional who can help you change your behavior. “You can’t eliminate pain and frustration,” Deffenbacher says. “But you can respond to them in a way that benefits instead of demeans you and those around you.”

Barbara Floria spoke with Jerry Deffenbacher, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Colorado State University in Fort Collins, who specializes in anger management. For more information, visit the American Psychological Association at www.apa.org.

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