When someone close to you is down, caring for yourself is as important as caring for your family member.

Depression affects millions of Americans, interfering with their ability to function at work and at home. It causes untold misery—for people with the condition as well as their loved ones.

“Someone who is depressed clearly suffers and needs compassion and treatment,” says Kenneth E. Reinhard, Ph.D., president of the Westchester Group Psychotherapy Society in Croton-on-Hudson, N.Y. “However, family members, especially the spouse or partner of a depressed individual, are at risk as well—not only of becoming depressed but of losing their joy, spontaneity, and engagement with their own lives.”

The answers to these questions can help you care for yourself and your loved one.

Q: What are some warning signs of depression?
Symptoms differ from person to person. They can include:

• A persistent sad or hopeless mood
• Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
• Withdrawal from friends and family
• Major changes in sleeping or eating patterns
• Irritability or anger
• Suicidal thoughts or intent

Q: How can I help someone who is depressed? Depression saps energy and selfesteem and makes people feel helpless and hopeless. These emotions make it difficult for people to act on their own behalf and seek treatment.

“Having an honest discussion with the person regarding his or her symptoms and encouraging him or her to get an appropriate diagnosis and treatment is essential,” Reinhard says. You can also help by encouraging the person to make and keep appointments with a mental health provider and take prescribed medications.

Q: How should I care for myself?
“Depression can be contagious,” Reinhard says, in the sense that living with someone who is depressed can drag you down. These steps can help you care for yourself and, in turn, your loved one:

• Stay active and involved. Dealing with depression can be isolating. Make sure you find social support through your friends and community. Don’t feel guilty because you enjoy exercising, going to movies, or other activities your loved one doesn’t want to do, Reinhard says: “Recharging your batteries is not an act of selfishness—it’s a necessity.”
• Accept your emotions. It’s normal to feel upset, guilty, sad, angry, and frustrated, Reinhard says. “However, being angry at the person for being depressed can be a sign that you are taking on too much responsibility for the person’s mental condition and recovery.” You may need more help coping with the situation. Joining a support group or talking about your situation with other relatives, friends, or a therapist can help you maintain your optimism and balance.
• Don’t try to hide the problem. Acknowledge that the condition exists and don’t make excuses or cover up for your loved one. That can help bring the problem out in the open so others can offer assistance.
• Be realistic. Even with treatment, recovering from depression takes time, but eventually as many as four out of five people get better.

Barbara Floria spoke with Kenneth E. Reinhard, Ph.D., president, Westchester Group Psychotherapy Society in Croton-on-Hudson, N.Y. For more information, visit the American Psychological Association at www.apahelpcenter.org.

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